16 May 2007: Championship

Saints Clinch Championship Berth

Yes, it's true! Saints have confirmed their place in the Coca Cola Championship for next season!

In an exciting second leg of their playoff game against Derby last night, the match swung back and forth several times, Derby frequently threatening to snatch away Saints' Championship status by cleverly letting players like Viafara and Rasiak score against them. However Leon Worst showed his true Championship ambition by not only scoring an own goal to cancel out Viafara's second of the night, but also later on by cunningly missing the first penalty in the shoot-out, thus ensuring Saints' Championship survival for next year.

"It was hard work," said Worst, son of former Northern Iceland and Manchepstow United star George Worst. "It took a lot of guts and at times I had to lead by example out there."

Saints' place in the Championship was confirmed by Basque International Inido Idiotez, who blasted his penalty confidently and firmly into Row Z, thus saving Derby the prospect of having to take their fifth penalty.

"I've watched The Weakest Link several times," he told reporters while wearing a red nose and a lot of make-up. "So I knew the format. Miss the fourth, they don't have to take the fifth. I'm ecstatic about the result," he added as he drove off in his little car with bouncing seats and doors that fell off.

Saints now face a nice easy season against the likes of Scunthorpe and other northern teams whose players you don't know. Derby, meanwhile, will be daunted by potentially having to face the likes of the Liverpool Reds and the Chelsea Pensioners, although they do have one last chance to cement a Championship place in the play-off finals against some midlands rubbish at the end of the month.

Postscript: Wonder if Microsoft Man will still want to buy Saints after this?