Wednesday, November 05, 2008

5 November 2008: Electorial Voting Competition

America Elects Bloke

The Electorial Voting Competition (EVC) to decide who will be the 44th Prime Minister or something of the United States took place on CNN last night.

The big winner of the night was Irish candidate Barry O'Barma, who won most votes in the categories 'Most Likely To Be Next President' and 'Male Vocalist of the Year'.

"Begorrah", he told a curious crowd of assorted Irish residents in Chicago last night. "Looks loike the auld electorate have chosen me to run the show for a wee bit. I reckon we should all go for Giordano's pizza. Hillary said she's buying."

He spoke of his younger years when he was inspired by another man with a vision, a dream for the future of the nation.

"As my spiritual hero and mentor Bob the Builder would say, 'Yes We Can'. Can we fix it, America? Yes we can! But we will have difficult choices to make. Guiness or Murphy's?"

Runner-up in the EVC was Republican candidate and former Die Hard star John McClain. Speaking to a gathered collection of reporters and palm trees in Phoenix, he told of his disappointment at not winning the competition.

"Yippee-ki-yay," he solemnly shouted. "We fought as hard as we could. If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem. How do I feel? Pretty blinking unappreciated, Al."

Chief Judge and Supreme Court Justice Simon Cowell earlier passed scathing comments on both major candidates. "You call that singing?" he said to O'Barma after a karaoke version of 'The Irish Rover' failed to impress. "I've seen better election campaigns from a dead person," he added, probably referring to the charismatic British Prince Regent Gordon Brown.

Reactions to O'Barma's victory trickled in from around the world as news spread that the longest, most boring string of television commercials in history had come to an end.

"All very well electing someone new," said Denzil in the UK's Southern Daily Echo newspaper. "But is he going to build my ice-rink in Southampton town centre? Somehow I doubt it. All words and no action, these politicians." O'Barma and McClain both responded by saying that Denzil was a deranged nutter who should be locked up.

Lewis Hamilton was too busy driving his car to offer any comments, but remains favourite over O'Barma for the main EVC of the season which is still to come, the BBC Sports Personality of the Year.

In other news, Microsoft used the old Tony Blair plan of 'it's a good day to bury bad news' by announcing that you can't buy Windows 3.1 any more. Many commentators have described this as a bad move by Microsoft given that 3.1 was the last stable release of the product to hit the shelves.


Rob said...

"Many commentators have described this as a bad move by Microsoft given that 3.1 was the last stable release of the product to hit the shelves."

Funniest thing i've read this week..

Whiskers said...

You forgot that he will be going house to house gathering 1/2 of the Halloween candy and giving it to the young'ns who sat on their bahookie.