29 October 2004: Explosion

Advent Reject Criticism Of 'Firework Laptops'

In a move timed to coincide with Guy Fawkes' Night on November 5th, computer manufacturer Advent yesterday announced that their 2001 model, the Advent 6412DVD, was primed to explode on or around Guy Fawkes day 2004.

Although the explosion is an undocumented feature of the laptop (as are most of its features, including the unmarked buttons at the top and the mysterious ports at the back), Advent today defended the built-in explosion as a "fun way to commemorate some prat who failed to blow up the King back along sometime."

"We're hopeful our customers will find it a cute and enjoyable way to celebrate the failure of the Catholic plot," said Advent spokesperson Fats Liar. "Any electrical explosions always come with a fun flash of blue light and plenty of smoke to entertain your kids or your co-workers, depending on where you are when it happens."

Advent laptop user McDuncan McRae-McSpencer yesterday was quoted as saying "flippin' 'eck!!" as his laptop went up in smoke with the trademark flash of blue light from the power supply area.

"I knew it was a piece of unutterable crud from about three weeks after I bought it," said an angry McDuncan, 29, whose other complaints concerning his laptop included an ever-flickering backlight for the screen, the constant failing of the PCMCIA slot, the need to re-install both Windows and Linux every few weeks due to file corruption and the noise from the fan that was matched only by low-flying aircraft.

"I don't care if the explosion was intentional or not," said McDuncan. "I'm pleased to be rid of the bleddy thing. Fortunately the fire didn't last long enough to set the fire alarms off, and the shrapnel all blew the other way."

McDuncan is currently considering options ranging from Dell, IBM, HP, Sony and Other [Please Specify], for his next laptop, and any suggestions are welcome to the usual address, or as a comment on this blog entry.

Advent are thought to be planning to include a small-scale nuclear device with their next generation of crummy hardware.