Nephew Matt wishes to point out that Emile Heskey's goals-and-games stat is actually seven goals in sixty-two games, not two goals in seven hundred games, as implied in the previous blog entry. Matt is big on stats.
In the same vein, I should point out that legislation to legally prohibit Emile Heskey is also unlikely, although David Cameron has yet to officially rule it out.
In terms of official stats though, it's worth a look at WikiAnswers, where you can pose factual questions to experts, who can give clear insightful answers. Question: is Emile Heskey rubbish? Answer: yes. And so that is an official stat.
Another is that Fabio Capello will continue as England manager. Wonder if it's him or John Terry who's the real problem? Or Roy Hodgson taking a job at which he's far more likely to succeed?
Meantime, in real sports, the Tour De France has started. Doping allegations - or at least doubts on the entire testing process - are already well underway.
Ooo, David Villa just scored for Spain. Interesting. However good they may be, they've never even threatened to win the World Cup in the past. Maybe the old adage is no longer accurate: "When the going gets tough, the Spanish go finishing". Paraguay must be feeling miffed they didn't get to take their penalty again.
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
28 June 2010: Autopsy
What I said before.
And the strange thing is the reaction of many in the media. The end of the Golden Generation is one common theme (along with the seeming dearth of English footballers coming through) and the other is that the Premier League is to blame: no winter break, no requirement for a certain percentage of home-grown players etc etc. Among the more ridiculous suggestions is the notion that Germany beat England because the German game is more measured and collected, compared to the England game of 100 miles per hour action. So that'll be why English clubs struggle so much in European club competitions then, is it? The problem isn't the way the game is played - the problem seems to be somehow smaller and localized in this squad and this coach.
I say that because prior to this World Cup, England were actually doing pretty well. One of the best qualifying campaigns in a long time - never any question of failing to make it. Beat Croatia home and away, and frankly they're probably better than Germany right now. What happened to that qualifying team? Not sure, but while some of the blame can be put down to player fatigue, it seems there's some bad feeling in the camp, factioning of players and an underlying mistrust between the coach and the squad. It's not the end of the world, and these players didn't become dreadful overnight. It's just Euro 2000 again, that's all. The investigations that should take place need to be ones into the preparation, the handling of the squad in South Africa and the fairly obvious feelings of resentment and frustration within the squad. Specifically, they need to talk to the players one by one, anonymously if necessary, and get their side of the story.
If the problems that were hinted at by James, Terry et al during the competition are even halfway true, then Capello also has to go, and go soon.
As for the end of the Golden Generation, well - I see no reason why Gerrard shouldn't be central to Euro 2012, and looking beyond that there's no reason to assume Rooney will not pick his form back up, especially as he's still only 24. Lampard did little enough that he won't be missed, Joe Cole's time is probably past - shame for him, as he was possibly the most talented of his generation, yet he was overlooked too often - and at the back, Rio and Terry may or may not still be around next time. Someone with a little more pace might be handy though. Crouch also may have his days numbered now, leaving him with the best scoring record of any England player ever in terms of matches started: 17 goals in 18 starts.
But then I think back to the qualifying campaign and the away win over Croatia, probably Capello's high-point as England manager. But that day it was Theo Walcott with the hat-trick, and he hasn't been quite back to par since his injury this year. However, all talk is of whether he or Lennon is to be the Pointless Winger in the future England line-up. To me, the response to that has to be 'derrrrrrrr' since Walcott's best position, by a country mile, is as a striker. Remember that Thierry Henry used to play on the wing until they discovered he could score. Ian Wright as another example. Garry Nelson, if you want an Argyle perspective. I'm looking for Wenger to start being a little more creative with Theo and then we'll see what he's capable of. We know he can score goals.
One more thing. When the fourth goal went in, Capello responded immediately by hauling off Defoe and bringing on Heskey. Anyone who does that should be told he has to resign immediately. What did he expect Heskey to do? Lard them to death or something? When David Cameron gets back from swimming in Canada or whatever it was he was doing, he should immediately introduce legislation to ban Heskey from ever playing for England again. Or maybe just ban Heskey from ever playing again. Or maybe just ban Heskey.
"Emile Heskey's somewhat dubious England career of two goals in seven hundred games came to a rapid conclusion when the British government made it a criminal offence to be Emile Heskey. As a result, Heskey was forced to grow a large beard and he lived out the rest of his life as a recluse hermit in Basingstoke."
Sounds like a plan to me.
And the strange thing is the reaction of many in the media. The end of the Golden Generation is one common theme (along with the seeming dearth of English footballers coming through) and the other is that the Premier League is to blame: no winter break, no requirement for a certain percentage of home-grown players etc etc. Among the more ridiculous suggestions is the notion that Germany beat England because the German game is more measured and collected, compared to the England game of 100 miles per hour action. So that'll be why English clubs struggle so much in European club competitions then, is it? The problem isn't the way the game is played - the problem seems to be somehow smaller and localized in this squad and this coach.
I say that because prior to this World Cup, England were actually doing pretty well. One of the best qualifying campaigns in a long time - never any question of failing to make it. Beat Croatia home and away, and frankly they're probably better than Germany right now. What happened to that qualifying team? Not sure, but while some of the blame can be put down to player fatigue, it seems there's some bad feeling in the camp, factioning of players and an underlying mistrust between the coach and the squad. It's not the end of the world, and these players didn't become dreadful overnight. It's just Euro 2000 again, that's all. The investigations that should take place need to be ones into the preparation, the handling of the squad in South Africa and the fairly obvious feelings of resentment and frustration within the squad. Specifically, they need to talk to the players one by one, anonymously if necessary, and get their side of the story.
If the problems that were hinted at by James, Terry et al during the competition are even halfway true, then Capello also has to go, and go soon.
As for the end of the Golden Generation, well - I see no reason why Gerrard shouldn't be central to Euro 2012, and looking beyond that there's no reason to assume Rooney will not pick his form back up, especially as he's still only 24. Lampard did little enough that he won't be missed, Joe Cole's time is probably past - shame for him, as he was possibly the most talented of his generation, yet he was overlooked too often - and at the back, Rio and Terry may or may not still be around next time. Someone with a little more pace might be handy though. Crouch also may have his days numbered now, leaving him with the best scoring record of any England player ever in terms of matches started: 17 goals in 18 starts.
But then I think back to the qualifying campaign and the away win over Croatia, probably Capello's high-point as England manager. But that day it was Theo Walcott with the hat-trick, and he hasn't been quite back to par since his injury this year. However, all talk is of whether he or Lennon is to be the Pointless Winger in the future England line-up. To me, the response to that has to be 'derrrrrrrr' since Walcott's best position, by a country mile, is as a striker. Remember that Thierry Henry used to play on the wing until they discovered he could score. Ian Wright as another example. Garry Nelson, if you want an Argyle perspective. I'm looking for Wenger to start being a little more creative with Theo and then we'll see what he's capable of. We know he can score goals.
One more thing. When the fourth goal went in, Capello responded immediately by hauling off Defoe and bringing on Heskey. Anyone who does that should be told he has to resign immediately. What did he expect Heskey to do? Lard them to death or something? When David Cameron gets back from swimming in Canada or whatever it was he was doing, he should immediately introduce legislation to ban Heskey from ever playing for England again. Or maybe just ban Heskey from ever playing again. Or maybe just ban Heskey.
"Emile Heskey's somewhat dubious England career of two goals in seven hundred games came to a rapid conclusion when the British government made it a criminal offence to be Emile Heskey. As a result, Heskey was forced to grow a large beard and he lived out the rest of his life as a recluse hermit in Basingstoke."
Sounds like a plan to me.
Friday, June 25, 2010
25 June 2010: Reid
As Becky points out, managerless relegated Plymouth Argyle have appointed a manager.
Peter Reid, mentioned briefly in this blog a week or so ago, has been brought in. Unlike in 1986, he isn't coming in to play midfield general as a replacement for Bryan Robson, but instead is coming in as only-person-who-didn't-say-no to work alongside 1982 England World Cup star (well, 'player' rather than 'star' I suppose) Paul Mariner and assistant John Carver. Presumably he's happy to work alongside a team already in place?
Reaction from the fans is generally positive - Reid has had success with Sunderland, after all - although his recent history hasn't been so good. (Hint: last time we appointed a manager with that kind of record it didn't work out - his name was Paul Sturrock). Generally, of course, the appointment has been overshadowed by the World Cup, especially with France and Italy going out and one of USA, South Korea, Ghana and Uruguay guaranteed to be in the semis (against Brazil, you'd imagine)... but maybe that's what Argyle need.
Meantime fixtures were released and Argyle's first game of the new League One campaign is against... Saints! Argh! I hate that game - never know who to cheer for, especially when the tackles are flying in. And naturally, being such a high profile game, it's going to be shown live on Sky.
No, seriously, it is.
Saturday August 7th, 12.15pm kick-off at St Mary's. Wonder if ESPN3 will pick it up over here?
Peter Reid, mentioned briefly in this blog a week or so ago, has been brought in. Unlike in 1986, he isn't coming in to play midfield general as a replacement for Bryan Robson, but instead is coming in as only-person-who-didn't-say-no to work alongside 1982 England World Cup star (well, 'player' rather than 'star' I suppose) Paul Mariner and assistant John Carver. Presumably he's happy to work alongside a team already in place?
Reaction from the fans is generally positive - Reid has had success with Sunderland, after all - although his recent history hasn't been so good. (Hint: last time we appointed a manager with that kind of record it didn't work out - his name was Paul Sturrock). Generally, of course, the appointment has been overshadowed by the World Cup, especially with France and Italy going out and one of USA, South Korea, Ghana and Uruguay guaranteed to be in the semis (against Brazil, you'd imagine)... but maybe that's what Argyle need.
Meantime fixtures were released and Argyle's first game of the new League One campaign is against... Saints! Argh! I hate that game - never know who to cheer for, especially when the tackles are flying in. And naturally, being such a high profile game, it's going to be shown live on Sky.
No, seriously, it is.
Saturday August 7th, 12.15pm kick-off at St Mary's. Wonder if ESPN3 will pick it up over here?
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
23 June 2010: Brackets
So as the final whistle went on one television, a goal went in on the other.
We had a room of US fans along with me shouting at Rooney on the smaller TV, but we were mostly cordial (mainly as we just had a full English breakfast, so nobody dared complain). I wanted the US to go through, but I didn't want them to win the group. Why? That would mean a second round against quite probably Germany, and if you survive that then it's flippin' Argentina in the quarter-finals. The US meantime face probably Ghana and then Uruguay. I know which 'bracket' I'd rather be in, especially with Argentina in the form they are. On the other side of the draw, I'd have been only concerned about the semi against Brazil.
"Cooking on gas" says a caller on six-o-six. I don't know about that - Milner crossing to Defoe for the only goal, and neither of those are established England players and didn't start the last game. Still, I'll be in Texas on Sunday morning for the nine a.m. game. Maybe Germany will lose this afternoon.
Can't see it happening, can you? Germany... Argentina... it's written in stone, isn't it? The only question is which one we'll lose to on penalties.
Update: Of course it's England v Germany. Now, who's going to miss the penalties this time?
We had a room of US fans along with me shouting at Rooney on the smaller TV, but we were mostly cordial (mainly as we just had a full English breakfast, so nobody dared complain). I wanted the US to go through, but I didn't want them to win the group. Why? That would mean a second round against quite probably Germany, and if you survive that then it's flippin' Argentina in the quarter-finals. The US meantime face probably Ghana and then Uruguay. I know which 'bracket' I'd rather be in, especially with Argentina in the form they are. On the other side of the draw, I'd have been only concerned about the semi against Brazil.
"Cooking on gas" says a caller on six-o-six. I don't know about that - Milner crossing to Defoe for the only goal, and neither of those are established England players and didn't start the last game. Still, I'll be in Texas on Sunday morning for the nine a.m. game. Maybe Germany will lose this afternoon.
Can't see it happening, can you? Germany... Argentina... it's written in stone, isn't it? The only question is which one we'll lose to on penalties.
Update: Of course it's England v Germany. Now, who's going to miss the penalties this time?
Friday, June 18, 2010
18 June 2010: James
More worrying, perhaps, was David James' interview afterwards on 5Live.
Interviewer: The manager says the players are putting a lot of pressure on themselves.
David James: Does he? [pause] OK. [silence]
...
Interviewer: When did you find out that you were playing?
David James: I found out five minutes before we got on the bus. Usual standard.
The interviewer, incidentally, was the ever-excellent Charlotte Nicholl, who once got griped at for being a woman after asking a tough question to Neil Warnock. Not Paxman, but she doesn't let them hide.
Meantime, Graham Taylor says he thinks there's something very wrong in the England camp, but he won't say what it is. And let's face it, he knows a thing or two about rubbish England teams.
Interviewer: The manager says the players are putting a lot of pressure on themselves.
David James: Does he? [pause] OK. [silence]
...
Interviewer: When did you find out that you were playing?
David James: I found out five minutes before we got on the bus. Usual standard.
The interviewer, incidentally, was the ever-excellent Charlotte Nicholl, who once got griped at for being a woman after asking a tough question to Neil Warnock. Not Paxman, but she doesn't let them hide.
Meantime, Graham Taylor says he thinks there's something very wrong in the England camp, but he won't say what it is. And let's face it, he knows a thing or two about rubbish England teams.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
12 June 2010: Umm
OK, as I write this there's still 37 minutes to go. But: Green's goalkeeping aside... Heskey clean through and did that with the side of his foot? Milner doing nothing except getting booked before going off? King injured too? Barry not really fit either? And this is the best - the best - we have to offer, the culmination of two years of preparation?
I'm not sure, but it could either be a disaster or, well... remember 1986? (Maybe you do.) England started badly then... Wilkins got sent off, Robson injured, Peter Reid brought in to run the show? Then Lineker got the hat-trick and the rest is history, all the way up to the hand of God in the quarter-final. So there's hope.
Except of course, we want to do better than the quarter-final, don't we?
Update: game over now, and to me all this game speaks of is doubt in the mind of Capello. That isn't going to win the World Cup.
I'm not sure, but it could either be a disaster or, well... remember 1986? (Maybe you do.) England started badly then... Wilkins got sent off, Robson injured, Peter Reid brought in to run the show? Then Lineker got the hat-trick and the rest is history, all the way up to the hand of God in the quarter-final. So there's hope.
Except of course, we want to do better than the quarter-final, don't we?
Update: game over now, and to me all this game speaks of is doubt in the mind of Capello. That isn't going to win the World Cup.
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