24 July 2009: Lump

Please read this entry on Rob's blog. Better than any movie plot in the last ten years.

Meantime, been a weird week here. Discovered a lump where there shouldn't be a lump and if you don't like clinical language, look away now.

Looking away yet?

OK. The lump is on my right testicle. And it wasn't there before.

I know that it wasn't there before because a couple of years ago Plymouth Argyle fans were exposed to the risks of testicular cancer: both goalkeeper Romain Larrieu and commentator Gordon Sparks were diagnosed with it at similar times. Both have made recoveries (indeed Larrieu is possibly in the form of his life now and has been appointed club captain) and, in ways smaller than Lance Armstrong, have done their best to raise awareness.

One thing I always remember was shortly after they both recovered, Sparksy posted on Pasoti, saying the advice he had for all men was to examine regularly, and if they didn't fancy doing the job themselves, then they should ask their wives to do it for them. Additionally, it's Biblical: 1 Corinthians 11v28a: "A man ought to examine himself". And so, I've been a regular examiner ever since. And now, on Tuesday night, a lump was found, maybe a centimetre in diameter.

As much as I've sometimes been in shock and awe at how poor the private health networks are over here compared to the NHS (seriously? Yes - in terms of performance as well as ridiculous complexity), they pulled through in fine - astonishing - style this week. Tuesday morning we called for an appointment, a doctor (not our usual one, but that's fine) was available Wednesday morning. Went in for initial examination, referral for an ultrasound was the result and that ultrasound took place little over an hour later at the same location.

Results came through this morning. Apparently I have a number of cysts on my testicles: three on the left and two on the right. All quite small - much smaller than the lump. And they also found something called a hydrocele, which I'd never heard of before. So what is the lump? They're not sure, the nurse suggesting that it was one of the cysts with fluid collected around it - the nurse was a vague as to whether it was related to the hydrocele or not.

And what to do? It should go away, said the nurse. If it's growing, or if it's still there in two to three weeks, I'm to go back and they'll see if anything else needs to be done. But it sounds as if it were something heavy and sinister like cancer or pregnancy then the ultrasound would have picked it up.

Still, something to keep an eye on. Well, for me, anyway. You can keep your eyes to yourself.

And if you don't like clinical language, you can look back now.

Footnote: The term 'hydrocele' is seemingly not only new to me, but also to Blogger's spellchecker. No surprise there.